ZOE-

Zoe left us today, leaving a huge hole in our lives.

I have cried my eyes during the day- when the Doctor called to tell me that she had a growth in the colon that had extended to the liver, that it looked like cancer and that her prognosis was very poor- that no treatment was really available for her. 

I walked for an hour thinking about her, how much she had given me, how happy she had made me and how much I needed her. And I cried more than once during that hour. 

As I talked with Barbara and with Sara, I cried- I could not hold back my tears knowing the pain felt by my wife and my daughter - the pain of losing a member of the family.

When I saw her for the last time and held her I cried- knowing that I would miss the petting, her rolling over on her back to be petted on the belly, the paw in the air asking for more. That I would never see her wag her tail when I came into the room and she saw me. That I would never be able to sing "Good Morning Zoecita, Good Morning Perrita" as I came into the kitchen every morning to find her waiting for me, most of the time wagging her tail, sometimes, still in her crate, laying on her back waiting for her belly rub.

No more Zoe, getting on top of Barbara, early in the morning, waking her, to let her know that she was there and that she wanted to be touched.

No more Zoe waiting for my by the door, waiting even when I was not yet there - she waited because she wanted me home.

No more Zoe, running up the stairs to be at the same level of my head, so that I could pet her head so I would not have to bend- or maybe to be able to see into my eyes.

I cried as I held her that last time, the way I had held her so many times, with her comfortably nestled in my arms- she really liked to be held like a baby.

She died peacefully, comfortably, humanely and with Barbara and I close to her. I know she was aware of our love 



Dog owners have only good things to say about their dogs- I am no different.

For 9 + years she brightened our lives, she made us feel needed and she gave us her unconditional love, asking nothing in return. She forgave us when we, without malice, would hurt her, when injecting incorrectly her insulin, when stepping on her when she was not visible in the kitchen floor- she never held any grudges. Short memory, maybe- I really think it was a big heart - unconditional love.

She trusted us all the way and communicated with us with no difficulty.

She was happy when we got home- just because we were home (the treat that I gave her had nothing to do with it) and she cried when we left. 

She liked to be with us, made us feel special. She would go up and be with Barbara in the bed, or, sometimes, come down and lay on the basement when I was in the basement. 

She always was happy to go for a walk- she was so excited! They were long and, generally, satisfying walks- she had to smell every spot where another dog had left their mark. 

As I grieve her today, I feel blessed to have been touched by her, to have her be part of my life experience, which has enriched me as a human being and created so many memories that are now part of what I am and which I share with my loved ones, Barbara and Sara. She is another link to us as a family, of our shared memories. As I grieve her, I am grateful for all that she means to us forever.

Broken will and destroyed calling - Shenandoah

Sometimes the events of nature and man get in the way and there is a point when a man is broken, when his will to achieve his calling is destroyed.
Such was the case for my planned trip to Shenandoah NP, Matthews Arm Loop, on June 30 and July 1st, when a fire on the western segment of my planned hike dissuaded my other 2 companions from joining and the biggest storm this summer to hit the area (including DC) closed the entrance to the NP because of downed tress. Also, the temperature was going to be around 100F.
Oh well, will plan the hike for later this year....
So much for a broken man with a destroyed call!

Wonderland Trail - September 2011

Background
In the fall of 2010, Dale Gear (Big Bend backpack) suggested that we do the Wonderland Trail in the fall 2011. He got the permits and did all the planning on the camps and schedules for a 10 day circuit. Doug Hogg (AMC NY/NJ) joined the group. Dale could not join because of personal reasons just prior to the trip.


Logistics
We mailed to the Park Service 2 food caches (Mowich Lake - day 4- and White River- day 7- to reduce the weight of the food being carried. Caches were available as planned.
Flew into Seattle-Tacoma and rented a car for the trip to Longmire - about a 2 hour drive from the airport. Stopped in REI (very close to the airport) to get fuel for cooking.
Trail conditions and weather were checked via the National Park Service website. No issues were identified regarding river crossings (bridges sometimes get washed away) and snow on the trail (2010/2011 winter was extremely snowy and 2 segments of the trail had snow.) We were told in Longmire that no spikes were needed (saving weight on the pack) but poles were recommended.


The Backpack
Started on September 11 and finished on September 20- 10 days.
Total mileage per my GPS was 84.2 miles, with a total altitude gain of 27,000 feet. Daily details for each segment (per my GPS) are in:
WT GPS Summary


Weather 
Days 1 to 3 were sunny and warm with significant amount of bugs. Sunscreen, deet and bug nets are highly recommended! Afternoon of Day 4 it started raining and only stopped on day 10. In the higher elevations (Spray Park area, Sunrise and Panhandle Gap) it was snowing.


Wildlife
Limited- I saw a deer, a bear about 3 miles away and many chipmunks.


Pictures
Picasa- WonderlandTrail2011


Lessons Learned

• Be physically and mentally prepared for the backpack. The elevation gains are significant and the backpack is physically demanding.
• Do some short backpacks before attempting this one. The experience you gain will make this one a much more rewarding one. 
• Have the right equipment and be very comfortable with it. Rain gear is required and keeping a set of dry clothes and a dry sleeping bag is critical. My inflatable pad had slow leaks and I had to inflate it 3-4 times every night!. Although I did bring the repair kit, the leaks could not be fixed successfully. 
• iPhone is a great invention. Some of the days were short hikes- having reading material was great. Also, nights are long- going to bed at 7:30 pm with daylight at 6:00 am makes for too much sleeping time. Listening to books on tape or similar (especially if boring) helped me go to sleep on nights I woke up at 3:00 am!
• Do not take too much food. I left lots of food at the caches- although I used the 2 lbs/day rule, my appetite was suppressed and much of the snacks went unused. Too many nuts!

Weight vs Cost Tradeoff

I struggled to achieve the 25 lb limit that had been set for the carrying weight (without water or commissary) for the Somewhere Over the Rainbow (SOTR) hike this spring. This was in spite of the fact that I did not carry any First Aid supplies, cookware and had really pared down on the snacks.
Where is the problem? I have narrowed down the issue to the fact that when I started acquiring backpacking equipment, weight was not a concern. This is the price you pay for doing it the hard way- not asking, not being part of a group and not being perceptive to what the experts say in the magazines / publications.
So, I bought a big backpack and a 15ºF synthetic fill sleeping bag, a 'good' normal pad and never asked about the weight - this was my original equipment for my first big trip- Machu Picchu. Did I carry heavy stuff during that trip! My jacket(s!), fleece, etc wheighted a ton, plus I did not ration what I took. I wish I had weighted my pack during that trip.
My next big acquisition was my tent - I did consider weight- but I still went with a 2 person tent. It was on sale and the excitement of my first solo trip overrode any other considerations.
The first learning on weigh/ cube actually came in the Grand Canyon Rim to Rim- a guided trip where we were told, in no uncertain terms, that we haf]d to fit our personal stuff in a 8 lt bag - I forgot to fit my toothpaste!! Amazingly, I survived the trip- except for the toothpaste never missed anything.
For the the most recent trip (SOTR), our guides defined a limit of 25 lbs, which I was never able to achieve. I dropped all my snacks and used everything I took. Still, I was at 28 lbs. My backpack (a REI Galaxy) and my Big Agnes encampment sleeping bag account for, what I believe, is 3 to 4 additional lbs of weight that I could shave off.
Then I look at functionality, weight and cost. In both cases (sleeping bag and backpack), the functionality is there. I actually LOVE my 15°F Big Agnes Encampment sleeping bag. It has gone with me to ALL of my backpack trips (except Ciudad Perdida- took a 50° REI sleeping bag- did not really need anything warmer in the jungle) and I sleep like a baby when I am inside it. The system by which the pad is slid into the base of the bag works well for me (specially with the new, ultra lightweight pad that I got for SOTR), so I am a truly 'happy camper' regarding my sleeping bag. Weight and cube is the issue. There is an equivalent Big Agnes, down filled sleeping bag that weighs 22 oz less and compressess significantly more - at a cost of ~$420. Is this worth it? I will be doing 2 additional 'big' hikes this year (Adirondacks in July and Yosemite in August) and, I am sure, more will be coming next year.
The SOTR trip was a milestone in duration and trips of 7+ days will become more common than before. Weigt considerations become more critical as length of trip extends as carrying food increases the weight significantly.

Now, a year later, I am down to 31 lbs for a weekend trip - including water and food for 2 days. I am getting there. Have acquired a down sleeping bag and a much lighter weight backpack. I am learning to calibrate my water needs and I believe that I can still reduce my weight on the clothes side and the snacks.
This September I will do a 10 day hike - the Wonderland Trail- and I will have oto keep on working on weight reduction.

On leadership- lessons learnt while backpacking

Last weekend we had a mutiny on the backpack to Thunder Swamp in Eastern PA. Initially, 7 of the 12 members decided to bail out at the end of the first day- we were a little bit lost, it was hot and humid, the bugs we eating us alive, we had no planned camping site and there was a chance of rain.
I am puzzled by the whole incident- we backpack because we want to. We sign up weeks in advance without full disclosure of what the conditions are going to be and we do it because, at least in my mind, because it is an adventure.
So, what happened?
Leadership failed.
These trips have a leader - he is supposed to keep the group together. First, the group was too large and had different skills. The group ended up being split in 2, the fast group and the slow group. Clarity on the rules of the hike were not reinforced at the start of the hike - so the split was difficult to handle because basic rules, like waiting on trail intersections, were not kept. This was partially the cause of us getting lost.
Second, the leader has to have the respect of the led. During the hike, there was a lack of 'respect' to the leader- in a jocking way- but reflecting the fact that some of the team did not hold the leader in high esteem. Words and actions do matter.
Third- the uncertainty does not help - not knowing where we were camping created a sense of loss on some of the members.
The dissenting group had a leader that generated an attractive alternative- a cold bear and comfortable bed for the night. For some this was an option- but then, why do you backpack?
Lessons learned- keep the group small, make sure that expectations and rules are clear and do not take abuse from the team.

Blog SOTR

Breaking new ground- my recent backpack to the Rainbow Plateau in Northern Arizona was my longest and "lightest" backpack.
This was a Sierra Club program, which I joined because it was early in the year and, in my grand plans, was practice for my trip to El Cocuy, in Colombia.
It proved that I could spend 7 days carrying 45+ pounds, and survive with very limited resources, in comfort and in happiness.
The passage of time effect - the "are were there yet" vs the"it's already Christmas" perception of time between children and grown ups appeared again. Every day was full of wonders- new things, new experiences and it felt as we had left Page (our staging point) a long time before. Seeing the petroglyphs, the Anazasi ruins ( we were one of very few "white" people that have seen these ruins), hiking the very narrow canyons, sometimes in deep water, coming down the slip rock or just seeing the magnificent landscape filled the days with wonder. Every day was filled with new and wonderful experiences.
The group worked very well together. It felt like camp- the first day we were all strangers trying to figure each one out - by the 8th day we were the best of friends and, at least for me, there was a very strong bond and sadness of leaving my 'old' friends. The three guide, Mike, Richard and Becky knew each other well. The 4 Canadian Doctors (2 of which were 70 years old!!) came together and Judy and  Liza knew each other from Alaska and were doing this trip together. Jim, Collin, July, Marie and me were traveling independently.
To my question of why do we do this ( carry 40+ lbs for 8 days on our backs, sleep in uncomfortable environment, bathroom facilities lacking facilities, being hot, cold, wet, hungry) one of the answers that I liked was "Because it is there and because I can".


What did I learn?

• I need less
• I can do things that I thought I could not do
• I can learn
• Practice, practice, practice
• Do not clean pots with sand with your bare hands

There are other trails to travel- just like the bear that climbed the other mountain- he saw another mountain and - he climbed it.

2009- it was a VERY good year

This was a good year.

Sara graduated Cum Laude from GW and I was so proud of her; she worked hard and the Cum Laude was unexpected and we found out on the way to the graduation ceremony.

It was such a thrill.

Sara graduating from college is really the highlight of the year. All of high school, the painful transition to college and everything before, in between and after- this is the culmination of my

responsibility as a parent- to provide my daughter

with the tools to be able to deal with life. We should never take

these things for granted and I consider myself very fortunate to have seen this day in May.

The graduation weekend was great- Jeff and Shawna came in, my sisters joined, the Plotkins were in

attendance and Reinica and Riva also joined. It was fantastic.

Barbara celebrated her 60th birthday and Sara did a great job organizing the festivities. Jeff, Mike, Judi and Hal and the kids, Mark and Lisa and the kids, Lori and Amos and Adam, the

Plotkins, and my sisters- they all came in to celebrate. The unexpected and pleasant surprise was to have Rochelle and Jeff fly in from California. It was a fun weekend where Barbara was really happy and enjoyed herself and her

company. Cuba Libre with her friends was great and having everybody around made it a very special weekend for Barbara.

Her van died during the weekend - my fault for getting it into, literally, deep water and, on top of the weekend, she got a brand new car - well deserved after 11 years with a minivan!

We had the great pleasure of having Shawna, Jeff and Olivia visit us in November - the little girl is beautiful! A great thing to be grateful for in 2009.

I was honored when Jonah Wasserman had his bris in February, carrying him for the circumcision. I am glad that it was Laura's dad that actually held him during the actual event.

It was a year of significant and impressive celebrations. After Barbara's birthday, we had Roberto's in Budapest- for us via Prague, later a great weekend celebrating Tuti's in Boston and completing

the cycle, the celebration of Moise's 80th in Bogotá where the Zachmann siblings had a very enjoyable long weekend - we were able to spend some time with Daniel and Miriam.

In June, I also had my 40th High School Reunion in Bogotá, which was also wonderful. For not having friends, I enjoy my old classmates and they seem to appreciate me also. Then again, when I tried to see them again in December, I had a very limited response. Well, such is life...

This was a much better year for me from a health perspective. I had a follow up procedure for my sinus area mass, which was successful and the AVM follow ups have shown that it has decrease in size. No other side effects.

For Barbara, this year was not that great- specially after the trip to Europe. Her anxiety and stress have come back and she has had no fun since then.

Hiking this year also gave me immense pleasure. The very high point was the trip with Daniel,

Leon and Georg to Ciudad Perdida. I had done 2 earlier trips to the area many years before- once to the peaks on the southern entrance with Andres Hernandez, Rodney Freeburn and James Kay, and once with Robby to Pueblito, on the coast by the Tairona Park; he had to be hauled out of the beach with after getting incredibly sunburnt (this was about 40 years ago!). Ciudad Perdida was then a myth and when it was finally found I really wanted to go; it seemed unattainable- initially because it was prohibited by the government and later because of the security situation in the area. But 2009 was the year.... It was more than worthwhile.

After 23 years of working for Wyeth, we were acquired by Pfizer. The announcement was made early in the year and the uncertainty has been significant; it has been an emotional roller coaster, and from a work perspective, it has been a lost year. The year ends with some uncertainty, but as the blind man said, "Amanecera y veremos".

This year I have been listening to classes on Jewish themes from the Learning Company. It has been very satisfying as it has opened a whole new world built around understanding many things that I took at face value and also raising fundamental questions of my beliefs and values.

Sara came back home and I take it as a gift. She will leave again but having her at home makes me very happy for the little time before she takes her next big step in Nursing School.

Yes, 2009 was a very good year...